What’s Wrong With My Vagina? Episode 6: Spring Break

Q: What’s wrong with my vagina?

A: You took it on SPRIIIIIIIIING BREAAAAAAAK!!!

Listen, my vagina has me fucking whipped. What vagina wants, vagina gets. Mine is incredibly sensitive to almost everything, so my diet, wardrobe, workout regime and sex life all revolve around making it happy. And yet, there are times that I’m basically like “sorry homie” and raise what is basically vaginal hell. (read: spring break).

The “spring break” is my vagina's nemesis. Check it out– it’s 72 hours of being soaking wet, drinking your face off, eating like shit (if at all?) all while having a buckets worth of sand lodged up there. I would literally recommend this combination to anyone who’s TRYING to get a yeast infection. While we can throw caution to the wind, we can also try to help ourselves out even if it’s the bare minimum. If you and your vag are hitting the beach, here’s what I recommend to keeping a happy (enough) vagina.

Drink sick amounts of water. The sun, salt water, and rum punch are a recipe for dehydration, which can lead to a crabby vagina or PMS-like cramps. Stay dry as much as for as long as possible. Trotting around in a wet swimsuit is basically vaginal suicide– that baby wants to stay nice and dry or else it will lead to a yeast infection. When you’re done swimming, swap your swimsuit for something cotton or my personal preference, just get naked. Shower every day. I mean it. Rinse the salt and sand off and out of your vagina before you go to bed every night on your vacation to avoid irritation or infection. Take a daily probiotic. If you’re like me when you’re on vacation and exist on a rum and taco diet, the probiotic will at least give your vagina some nutrition. If you’re getting your freak on at the beach, be wary that water washes away all natural lubricants resulting in hella dryness, and also swimming water is usually pretty germy and gross. Lastly, your vagina also loves many aspects of spring break. Sun, fresh air and nudity to name a few, so don’t feel too guilty. And to be perfectly honest, I would take the UTI in exchange for a banging beach getaway any day. •

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Molly-Margaret Johnson is a Brooklyn based artist. While she is not a doctor, she is excited to share her vaginal experiences with others in hopes to answer questions and end taboos. 

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