Q: What’s wrong with my vagina?
A: It feels pressured to perform
We’ve all been there. A countdown to a big lay. An upcoming trip with new bae, a lover coming home from abroad, a certain someone is in town for one night only- you know the type i’m talking about. It’s a one way ticket to fuck city. While we hear a lot about performance anxiety for people with penises, I also believe people with vaginas experience something similar.
For me, this anxiety can manifest hours before “the big lay”. Every itch and sensation down there sends me spiraling into thinking something is wrong with my vagina and therefore I won’t be able to blow this person’s mind tonight. It’s my grown-up version of “I hope I don’t get my period on the day of the 8th grade pool party” but now it’s “dear God this better not be a yeast infection, I got a dick appointment in five hours.” These “symptoms” I get are completely phantom. It’s our mind playing tricks on our vagina. Or, the other way around?
And of course, the pressure is really on when it’s show time. The excitement/nervousness of go-time can translate into symptoms like dryness, vaginal pain or lack of interest at all. Not because we dislike or are un-attracted to who we’re hopping into bed with, it’s because we really like them and are really attracted to them that we want to give them the night of their lives. With all those pent up butterflies and expectations, it’s no surprise we can be left disappointed.
What’s the solve? We all know it- release expectations. So…. the solve is basically impossible. While we can do our best at that, we can set ourselves up for success as much as we can. We gear the situation towards our comfort zone as much as we can. Moves I make towards comfort are hosting the rendezvous on my turf, wearing something I feel good in and really taking in the person beforehand as not to rush in (as much as I may want to). And hella lube.
Our vaginas get the jitters just like we do. Be patient, take things slow and communicate with your partners. The journey can be just as good as the destination when it comes to sex, try to focus on all the incredible stops along the way as opposed to getting to focused on the final destination. •
Molly-Margaret Johnson is a Brooklyn based artist. While she is not a doctor, she is excited to share her vaginal experiences with others in hopes to answer questions and end taboos.
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